Searching for Bliss

One man's paradise is another man's nightmare.

Odd things

A really weird thing that I have noticed lately when I write is this floaty, out of body jive that I have going on. It only seems to happen when I am really on a roll and the words are flowing. It’s such a hard feeling to describe, and I wonder if anyone else experiences this.

Frenzy

I’ve been cleaning like crazy tonight, since my kiddo will be coming home tomorrow after spending all week with the grandparents. It’s been crazy quiet here, and I took full advantage of cleaning my house without a little one underfoot! Things have been so busy and crazy the past couple of days at work, that I have not given myself the time to write much, but I’ve still been hanging in there! It’s way past bedtime, and I really just wanted to put this out there to prove to myself that I wrote something today!

The trees are gone…

The three trees in the backyard are gone now. Three lonely stumps that will be ground down before the end of the week. I know that I have a strong connection to them, but I don’t know if what I am feeling is from the trees or not. I feel sadness, but there is nothing in my life now that should cause me to feel this way. Am I feeling the tree’s sadness? Such a strange thought pattern to have and subsequently accept it as fact.

Neighbors

So… It terrifies me to get to know the neighbors. I moved into this house almost two years ago, and I’ve only talked to the right hand neighbor only once. I’ve never talked to the left hand neighbors… although my Dad did see the neighbor lady sitting on her patio in a tshirt and panties very early one morning when he was visiting and sitting out there drinking coffee. I still don’t know why my dad chose to share this story with me.

I’m sitting out on the patio now, and I’m becoming painfully aware of how open the backyard views are to each other. I seriously need to consider fast growing fence dividers.

Trees

One of the weird things that I have noticed about myself is that I have this really weird connection with nature, especially trees. There are three trees really close to my house that have been growing for almost twenty years. Their expansive root systems are starting to damage the patio and threaten the foundation of the house.

I sit here and look at them, knowing they will be gone soon. It makes me sad and emotional that three living things are about to be destroyed, partly due to my hand.

Balance

I’ve recently decided to seek help from a pastoral healer and Reiki master. I’ve abandoned religion and Christianity in the last few years, and modern medicine seems to be failing me as well. I know that I need to be more in tune and balanced, so I am going forward in this new exploration with an open and clear mind. I am not going to approach this with a mind toward spirituality, but if this turns into something like that, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.

Music

Elvis Costello said that writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Music is something that’s felt. One note tripping after the next, escaping into our ears and filling our bodies with warmth, nostalgia, love, and wisdom.

Imagine every single good thing that has happened to you in your life. Remember the emotions that washed over you at each instance? Now, pretend like every single great event is now happening at the exact same time. Write about that feeling.

Is it possible? No. That’s music for you – it’s felt, not written about. Just like a dance can’t describe a building, words cannot describe music.